Gay Sexual Roles

The most basic knowledge is knowing where you lie (or stand) with your sexual partner. As you can appreciate, in the gay world two bottoms don't make a top. To know what this means, here is a quick breakdown of definitions:

TOP

"I really DON'T like taking huge cocks up my ass since I'm a top, but I'll shove my cock into a receptive hole when offered."

Top is a relatively broad term. This can include adopting the penetrative role in a sexual act, a partner who adopts the dominant role in a sexual act and/or even physically on top of the other partner... though this is not always the case. The top is also not necessarily the dominant partner, or the partner in control; in this instance a top who is performing the action at the request or under direction of the bottom is sometimes referred to as a 'service top'. Top can also be used as a transitive or intransitive verb meaning to sexually penetrate (someone). 'Giver' may sometimes be synonymous with 'top'. Power top refers to a "top" in a sexual relationship, "power" in the term refers to the great stamina or special topping skills. The term total top is used to describe one who exclusively tops, while the term versatile top describes someone who sometimes bottoms.

VERS (VERSATILE)

"Jason says he's vers, but everybody knows that's just code for bottom."

A person who enjoys both topping and bottoming (or being dominant and submissive) and may alternate between the two is often called versatile (or switch). Flip-flops are very common; partners may switch roles based on mood, desire or to allow each partner to experience their preferred activity. It is also common for people to switch with different partners, such as when a person acts exclusively as a top with one partner and exclusively as a bottom with another. A versatile top describes a top who sometimes bottom. A versatile bottom describes a bottom who sometimes top.

BOTTOM

"Oh, Jeff is such a bottom. As soon as any cute guy walks past he's on his back with his knees by his ears!"

Bottom is a relatively broad term, which can include being a partner who adopts the receptive role in a sexual act (i.e. the partner who is penetrated) and/or adopting a submissive role in a sexual act. Bottom can also be used as an intransitive verb meaning to be sexually penetrated by: "to bottom for someone". 'Receiver' may sometimes be synonymous with 'bottom'. Power bottom refers to someone (usually a gay male) who during anal intercourse aggressively enjoys being the receptive partner. The "power" in the term refers to the great stamina or special bottoming skills. Topping from the bottom refers to the bottom controlling the activity more dominantly than the nominal top. The term total bottom is used to describe one who exclusively bottom, while the term versatile bottom describes someone who sometimes top.

ACTIVE & PASSIVE

These are NOT necessarily the same as top and bottom. A bottom is not necessarily inactive (or less active than the top). For example, a top may direct a bottom to perform the majority of actions in a given encounter (making the bottom the active). In some languages, it is still common to use the term "active" and "passive" to refer to "top" and "bottom" respectively; this is however a rare usage in modern U.S. English.

DOMINANT & SUBMISSIVE

Those who take the superior position in dominance and submission scenes and relationships are called dominants, doms (male) or dommes (female), while those who take the subordinate position are called submissives or subs (male or female). A top filling the dominant role is not necessarily a dominant, and vice versa. Also a bottom is not necessarily submissive.

The main difference between a dominant and a top is that the dominant ostensibly does not follow instructions, although they are limited by what the submissive is willing to do. The top may sometimes even be the partner who is following instructions, i.e. they top when and in the manner requested by the bottom. Contrast this with the pure dominant who might give orders to a submissive or otherwise employ physical or psychological techniques of control... but might instruct the submissive to perform the act on them!

The main difference between a submissive and a bottom is that the submissive ostensibly does not give instructions, although they do set limits on what the dominant can do. A bottom is not necessarily a submissive... they may enjoy intense physical and psychological stimulation but not submit to the person delivering it. Similarly, a submissive might not be a bottom... they may enjoy taking orders from a dominant without receiving any physical stimulation. For bottoms who are not submissive, the bottom is most often the partner who is giving instructions - the top typically tops when and in the manner, requested by the bottom.

Many distinguish top/bottom from dominant/submissive by seeing top/bottom as an expression of physical power, while dominant/submissive is an expression of psychological power. In many cases, the dominant/submissive relationship involves the dominant party psychologically tearing down and denigrating the submissive (consensually, meeting the submissive's expressed needs and respecting hard limits). In contrast, the top/bottom relationship is more commonly marked by mutual respect and support.